The times they are a changing.

You know when I was little a kid ( 1970's ), occasionally you would see an add like this in the
back of a fairly legitimate magazine.

Now when I say legitimate magazine, I am talking about the Parade magazine that comes in the
Sunday Circular and that sort of caliber of fine academic publication. Usually the adds were in the
back next to the unstainable polyester mens belt less stretch slacks and the he man supplement pills.
The adds for these " Facial Tension Relieving Devices " used to mesmerize me, as down deep I knew
in my heart of hearts that there must be some other uses for this, but alas, I really was a dope,
and had no idea what it must be.

Now this little box, that probably was a big seller and assuredly available at fine stores like
Spencers Gifts, is reassuring in the sense that people were just as deviant then as they are now.
In fact if you do your homework, and I have, you will find there is an entire school of anthropology
devoted to the history of similar devices that date all the way back to the Flintstones...... WILMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Luckily for you I have decided just to cover the highlights in the history of my own lifetime.

Now when I last checked there was only three hours left on the auction on ebay for this little gem and it
was still listed at $ 5.99 , so all you collectors, get to it. For those discriminating buyers the package looks
to be intact batteries and all, so I would rate this in "Mint/ Unused" condition from a collectors standpoint.






I am sure most of you are asking yourselves? Where is the Rage?
Clearly this is an educational post and quite interesting, but we really want Ralph's offbeat and whit.

Here is the source of it and what prompted this post.

This is the "KY Touch" Gift with Purchase Set now available at your local pharmacy.



Well, I guess your all wondering why this would set me off.

Clearly I am no prude, in fact some might say "Ralph, your a fucking freak dude, stay away from me
and my family."
In fact my wife said that to me just the other day, but thats not the point.

The point is this, long ago and far away as  young adults we all had to go through certain rights of passage.
The guys had to learn to buy condoms and the gals had to buy " Gal stuff "
We were all embarrassed, and in fact in some ways we still are.
But now that we are all older and have had colonoscopies and polyps removed and all kinds of unpleasant procedures with a team of 28 year old Doogie Housers holding our collective sacks up while some hottie
from Kuala Lumpor is getting her residency in the US so she can go home and save the life of an international Heroin Smuggler from her home land is inserting enough Fiber Optic in our ass's to bring FIOS to 100 new homes, our humility has wained.

So back to the gift with purchase. You see my local pharmacy has decided that the perfect place to put every embarrassing item is on the shelves where you stand in line to pick up you prescriptions. Not behind a counter,
not in some hidden dark isle on the top shelves out of reach and sight of children and the squeamish, but right there in the isle of shame.

As you approach the line, and there is always a long line at the pharmacy, because of all the disputes about
insurance co pays and, oxycodone addicted housewives trying to pull a fast one with sixteen different
prescriptions,
you slow down into this long line and on your right hand side that no one looks at or dares to, and they
all stare at the floor for fear of being caught even being curious.
First its the feminine hygiene products, then the Douches, Then its the Waxing Gear, Next its the Condoms
( I take personal offense to the Magnums), and now right at the end of the line two customers away from the prescription counter is where you really have to gather all your strength not to look.
Because here is the wall of lubrication, and I mean wall. There is warming gels, lubra beads, moisteners.
This must be big business, because for every name brand product and clearly KY is the market leader,
there is a cheapie CVS brand. I mean is this the time to save a buck? If your gonna lube up you might
as well go with a tried and true product.

And then right at the end cap from top to bottom is the this Gift With purchase Item. Now go back up
and take a look at that Gift. What the fuck is that thing? A personal massager as stated on the box?
This looks like someone in R&D took to much acid and decided to invent a Dildo for people in the land of Munch's  "The Scream."







Once again, I am no prude. I just don't want to see this crap when I am in line with little old ladies
picking up there calcium pills for Osteoporosis, mothers with sick kids and snickering teenage girls
who are picking up there I wanna be a whore NOW 1 period per year super contraceptive pills that
are gonna give them grapefruit size tumors growing out of there taint 15 years from now.

Call me old fashioned.

Now what people do at home or on the Internet is there own business, and if some say this site
is offensive, and I'm a hypocrite, so be it,  don't read it or let your kids read it. The Rhinos got your goat?
well he's got all our goat, but he still just an animal, even though we all have Rhino Envy now.
But please keep this crap off the main isle in the local Pharmacy.

On an upbeat note , getting way back to the history theme started in the beginning of this entry.
I found this little baby on the Internet while doing my academic research for this piece,
that brings us right into 2008.

OH MI BOD!



Who would a thunk it.
Somewhere there's a Hungover Jedi wondering what the fuck he did with his light saber last night.
Well the quants over in R&D got busy and integrated it with an I POD.


Have a nice Valentines Everyone!

-Ralph-